Chapter 7: The Great Case of Fogg v. Reality
Percy Fogg stood before a vast, imposing assembly of bureaucratic entities, each sitting behind an equally vast wall of paperwork. The Grand Hall of Bureaucratic Justice was an endless, featureless expanse, filled with floating scrolls, filing cabinets, and the faint but distinct hum of incessant, soul-crushing productivity.
Percy’s stomach churned.
This was no ordinary trial. This was the Ultimate Multiversal Legal Hearing, and he was about to plead for his continued existence—against reality itself.
Zippy stood next to him, grinning like a man about to win a game of interdimensional dodgeball.
Chrono, on the other hand, had taken up a position behind Percy, sweating profusely. “I’ve never been this uncomfortably close to paperwork before,” he muttered, his gears clicking nervously. “This is beyond a minor violation of bureaucratic procedure. This is a cosmic disaster.”
Percy exhaled slowly, clutching the absurdly formal scroll Zippy had presented as his defense. It was filled with improbable legal jargon, much of which didn’t even make sense to Percy, but it had been signed by a fake multiversal judge, so that was something, right?
The panel of judges at the front of the room, all of them floating bureaucrats with no discernible features, began to speak in unison:
“CASE NUMBER: PERCY FOGG V. REALITY. THE COURT WILL NOW BEGIN.”
A resounding clang echoed through the hall as an ancient gavel—made of pure red tape—came down.
Percy blinked. “Okay, that’s a bit dramatic.”
Zippy elbowed him. “You might want to keep the snark to a minimum. This is serious business, mate.”
Chrono sighed. “The multiversal judicial system is terrifying, and that was the most terrifying part of it.”
The lead judge—a faceless figure wearing an absurdly large bow tie—tapped a stack of documents. “Percy Fogg. You have been charged with a reality violation of the highest order. Your existence has been retroactively altered and replaced in violation of Multiversal Law. You do not belong here.”
Percy felt the weight of those words. He opened his mouth, but Zippy was already speaking for him.
“Ah, but you see,” Zippy said with a flourish, “we are prepared to demonstrate that Percy Fogg has been, in fact, wrongfully removed from existence due to an oversight in the record-keeping system of the Department of Reality Management.”
The judges blinked in unison. One of them shuffled papers. “Oversight. Explain.”
Zippy grinned. “Of course! The situation is quite simple, really. It turns out, Percy Fogg was misfiled in the Index of Unnecessary Realities, where he was erroneously erased. He was wrongly deleted. Thus, his return to the multiverse—while admittedly unconventional—was merely the restoration of a logical error.”
The judges exchanged cryptic glances. One of them waved a scroll. “We shall review your evidence.”
Chrono stepped forward. “If I may, esteemed judges, I have already provided the revised entry for Mr. Fogg in the Master Index.” He handed over a scroll with official seals. “It’s all perfectly legitimate and absolutely necessary.”
The judges examined it.
Time slowed to an agonizing crawl for Percy. He could almost hear the creaking of the gears in the bureaucracy, like the entire universe was holding its breath, waiting for the final decision to fall.
Finally, the lead judge set the scroll down and turned his faceless gaze to Percy. “Explain yourself. Why should you be allowed to remain in the multiverse, when your very existence contradicts our records?”
Percy opened his mouth, but no words came out. What could he say?
Zippy stepped in again. “Easy! Percy Fogg is a librarian, mate. A dedicated librarian. He organized the chaos of time and space with his vast knowledge of cataloging, sorting, and keeping things in perfect order!”
Percy blinked. “I’m really not sure that’s… accurate.”
Zippy ignored him. “You see, dear judges, a librarian is exactly the kind of person who should be allowed to stay in the multiverse. After all, if everyone knew just where their books were, wouldn’t the universe make just a little bit more sense?”
Chrono raised an eyebrow. “I… would not recommend bringing up the idea of perfect organization in front of the judges, Zippy.”
Percy couldn’t help but fidget as the judges contemplated Zippy’s words. There was a long, pregnant silence, filled only with the shuffling of paperwork.
And then—
One of the judges snapped his fingers. “Very well. We will hear from the prosecution.”
Percy’s heart skipped a beat. “There’s a prosecution?”
A shimmering figure appeared at the other end of the courtroom. He was tall, impeccably dressed in a suit made of pure cosmic irony, and his smile was the kind that only the most disastrously smug people could wear.
“I am the Eraser,**” the figure said with a flourish. “And I am here to ensure that reality remains unbroken by anomalies like Mr. Fogg. After all, it’s only logical that someone who doesn’t belong should be removed from existence. No one should be allowed to simply walk around as though they can undermine the delicate balance of the multiverse!”
Percy could hear the unholy sound of cosmic paperwork being filed in triplicate.
Zippy snorted. “Oh, this guy again.”
Chrono rubbed his face. “The Eraser is… essentially the cosmic equivalent of a repressive middle manager. If he has his way, everything will be filed away in boring, orderly packets and no one will ever have any fun again.”
The Eraser’s smile widened. “In fact, Mr. Fogg is nothing more than a calamitous error waiting to happen. His existence is a flaw in the system that will continue to cause chaos throughout the multiverse.” He raised an eyebrow at Percy. “And… I have proof.”
At that, the Eraser flicked his hand, and the entire courtroom shifted into a chaotic, exploding mess of errors—alternate timelines, jumbled realities, and broken dimensions appeared and disappeared in flashes.
“See? Proof. Reality disintegrates in the presence of such anomalies.”
Percy’s knees wobbled. “Wait, that’s not—”
But Zippy jumped in front of him, brandishing a legal loophole the size of a small galaxy. “Aha! You see, my dear Eraser, you missed the key detail! Percy Fogg isn’t an anomaly—he’s the catalyst for reality to recognize its own imperfections. By reinstating his existence, we’re reminding the multiverse that even its own systems can break down.”
The Eraser’s confident smile faltered.
The judges leaned in.
Percy’s heart was pounding. Could this work? Could he actually argue his way out of total erasure?
The Grand Gavel came down with a resounding bang.
“The Court will deliberate.”
Percy stared at Zippy. “You… you think that’s enough?”
Zippy smiled, flashing him a toothy grin. “Mate, we’re this close to winning. Just wait for it.”
And with that, they waited for the final judgment to come down.
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